For reasons that even I’m not quite sure about, I spent some time a few years ago in the corner of Reddit that deals with navigating toxic family relationships (primarily r/raisedbynarcissists, but also some focused more around other familial and romantic relationships). I wasn’t “raised” by any narcissists, but I think like most of us I’ve dealt with individuals in my life who I’ve suspected had some narcissistic traits, and learning about what that all entails has helped me to unpack some things about the challenging interactions I’ve had.
I think what’s interesting to come to know is that, in many of these cases, the overriding emotion being experienced by the person posting is grief. When dealing with someone whose perception of the world lacks grounding in reality, there’s often not a way to have a genuine interaction with them. Whatever relationship you think you have with them is always filtered through their illness; they often aren’t in a state of mind to see you as an equal existence with your own thoughts, feelings, and desires. The grief comes from mourning a relationship that was never really there, and the reality that you may never get the opportunity to say what you need to say to these people in a way that they will acknowledge. It’s forever suffering a lack of closure.
