Spring 2019 First Impressions – Why the Hell Are You Here, Teacher?

High school student Ichirō’s female teacher Kojima-sensei is famous for being a “demon teacher.” However, in front of Ichirō she seems to be air-headed and clumsy, and he keeps finding himself in perverted situations with her in places like the in men’s bathroom, in the men’s bathhouse, in the pool, at the school infirmary, and elsewhere. – ANN

Streaming: Crunchyroll and Hidive

Episodes: 12 (12 minutes apiece)

Source: Manga

Episode Summary: Ichiro has to use the restroom, and the most private place to do his business is an out-of-the-way men’s restroom on the school grounds. He doesn’t expect to see anyone, but when he opens the stall he’s surprised by none other than his female teacher, Kojima-sensei. The stall locks behind him, and the two wrestle with this uncomfortable reality until neither student nor teacher can “hold it” any longer.

The next week, Ichiro decides to cut class by hiding in the school infirmary, but coincidentally Kojima-sensei is there sleeping off a cold. She sends Ichiro to get her some medicine, but the only fever suppressant left in the cabinet comes in suppository form. Ichiro takes one for the team to help his teacher, but once she discovers that he’s skipping class, she returns the favor in the worst possible way.

Impressions: Content Warning for some censored nudity in the screen captures, as well as general poor-taste interactions between a teacher and student.

I often like to reminisce about the early days of my amateur reviewing “career.” I don’t know if things were genuinely different back in the mid-2000’s, but I had a sense at that time that fanservice anime was getting to be a little bit out of control. It seemed like every season there were anime series attempting to outdo one-another by becoming more vile, perverse, or embarrassing. That perception was possibly due to my relative innocence – I didn’t yet realize the low levels of taste to which anime was willing to stoop. But I also think that the years between then and now saw the content generally backing-off as people’s interests drifted elsewhere.

Now I’m older, hardened, and frankly a lot more of my energy is devoted to talking about the things that I like, so for a long time goofy male-targeted sex comedies haven’t really tempted me to waste time or energy criticizing their basic existence. Realistically, fanservice for women has become more frequent (though still does not exist in equal quantities), so it’s a lot easier for me to ignore fanservice for men as just something that exists in the broad anime genre diaspora than it was years ago when people like me weren’t considered as lucrative an audience. This isn’t to say that these types of series don’t have their individual problems, but my reactions are framed more within the boundaries of eye-rolling exhaustion than burning anger. Still, there’s the odd series here and there that still surprises me with its willingness to incorporate unfathomably gross content.

Why the Hell Are You Here, Teacher? has all the traits of a supremely trashy, gross fanservice series. Its focal character establishes himself as a minor delinquent pretty early on, and the obvious age difference between Ichiro and his teacher conjures images of cringe-worthy, inappropriate, and legally-questionable interactions between the two. This episode wastes no time in becoming cringe-worthy, and it’s definitely not something anyone should watch in public, anywhere. This episode is pretty gross and wildly inappropriate on a technical level, yet there’s also something about it that seems to toe the invisible line that separates gross-out humor from irredeemable garbage. At least, to me, it’s not the outright worst thing I’ve ever seen.

The first half of the episode is primarily a showcase for bathroom humor, with a little bit of “inadvertent boob grab” thrown in for good measure. Neither character is really out to predate on the other, but the accidental clumsiness of both plays right into the same sort of base humor of every series that’s pulled the ol’ “trip and fall into boobies” gag. The second half of the episode is the raunchier of the two segments, and raises a lot of questions, the main one being how is the teacher so sick with a cold that she can’t manage to shove a suppository up her own butt hole? This is a question that I was forced to ask myself, and I’m angry that this ridiculous series tricked me into doing it. The answer, I suppose, is that they get to throw in a “wrong hole” gag when Ichiro tries to complete the task blindfolded. Big yikes.

This is one of those moments where I’m really at a loss. It would be easy for me to get really worked-up about this episode, because it’s beyond trashy; if any of this stuff happened in real-life, somebody would be getting arrested. Yet, I find myself just sort of mid-level frustrated by the question of who really wants to watch this type of “humor?” Who gets pleasure out of uncomfortable bathroom gags? Who’s actually embarrassed by pooping in a public restroom? I just don’t know.

This series seems like it’s the manifestation of the phrase “oh lordy, now what?” I can’t recommend it in any case, but its very existence is the type of mystery that I just don’t have the energy to try to solve.

Pros: The episode somehow manages to avoid stooping to anime’s most terrible lows, somehow.

Cons: Its purpose as entertainment is mysterious and unfathomable.

Grade: D